Skip to main content

J D WETHERSPOON: THEYSEEYOUPEETV



Shock! Horror! Crap! George Orwell's 1984 is now at a pub near you. But is pub chain J D Wetherspoon taking the piss? TheBigRetort investigates.

Customers caught short whilst visiting a pub toilet in Brockley, South-east London may be excused if they have the strange sensation of being 'watched' as they go about their (once usually private) business. And it is not paranoia. Now, as they glance up at the ceiling they will realise the astonishing truth, then wet themselves. For, at the urinals, John Thomas in hand, there it is, on the ceiling, watching... a camera.

Surely not we hear you say... but it's yes.

We immediately visited the offending pub and confirmed our worst fears, following which we spoke to a Wetherspoon's spokesman. The following is not for the reader with a nervous disposition, a full bladder, or for anyone who has had a night on the old Vindaloo.

Surveillance report of society gone mad. Surveillance report of society gone mad. Surveillance...The pub... the Brockley Barge, London SE4. The location... the male toilet. The time... now.

"Most CCTV in Wetherspoons pubs are part of the licence... We believe that cameras are something that customers feel safer with," the Wetherspoon's spokesman confided.

What... in the loo?

"They are not pointed at the urinals. They are only pointed at washbasins."

Really?

"Yeah. If any customer made enquiries, they would be told, quite rightly, that they only point at handbasins."

Why?

(He paused.) "So that people feel safer."

So why isn't there a camera in the ladies loo too?

"Isn't there...? Well, I don't know about that particular pub... but if there isn't it's because the decision is made by the manager."

[So the manager only likes looking at the boys...?] Who looks at them?

"They're not looked at by members of staff. The only people who would have it (the footage) is the police. There are other pubs where this is the case. We're quite open about them. They are only there so that the police can watch."

How long are the images kept?

"I'm not sure."

[So there you have it... the police are the only ones allowed to watch. Whilst the images in the bar and outside the pub can be seen on a monitor the loo images are not shown to the general public. That makes it okay then.]

But are they also focused on the urinal, or, worse still... the loo? (After all it's impossible to say where they are pointed.) Couldn't shit be going on under the watchful of the law?

"At the washbasins," J D spokesperson was eager to assure.

But... why?

"So that they can see what's going on."

Err, well, what can 'they'.... see... at the washbasin?

"Things." (Presumably the washing of hands ceremony that follows visits to the loo.)

But what if any individual is hellbent in dealing with shit - and that kind of thing - and knows that the camera is only pointed at the washbasin, and that the images won't be viewed until, possibly, much later by the Peelice - Sorry we meant 'police' - wouldn't they go into the cubicles, or, dare we suggest, stand at the urinals and, err, pretend?

"It, err... acts as a... deterrent."

[And that's certainly true. It's the last time we spend a penny with JD Wetherspoon.]

Changing LINKS

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

James O'Brien: LBC presenter secret buy-to-let millionaire - Exclusive update

The Ayatollah of the Airwaves, James O’Brien, is still raging at the radio ether. His current demons: pensioner investors and... buy-to-let. “It’s not the politics of envy to say they need their wings clipped,” he declared last week. In fact, if you hit the numbers and can’t get through it’s probably because he’s still banging on about landlords and second-home ownership.    Time to take a peek then at the former landlord-turned-gamekeeper’s own dirty “deeds“.  A BIGRETORT EXCLUSIVE In 2014 AD, the Archbishop of Canterbury Justin Welby held a head-to-head with presenter James O’Brien; who isn’t usually lost for words let's face it. But whilst His Grace fielded phone-calls from LBC devotees, sat at the other end of the wireless alongside him was not the station's usual attack dog -  instead, in somewhat subdued genuflection, was old motor mouth himself. Choirboy O'Brie...
23 comments
Read more

Lewisham Council POCA Prosecution: Job Ad Reveals Mandate To 'Maximise Income'

From Borough of Sanctuary to dystopian world — Lewisham Council places landmark restaurant on the POCA grill.  THE BIG RETORT… Some days, when I pass the grimy windows at Laurence House in Catford, I swear I can hear the sound of someone desperately singing from the floors above: “You’ve gotta pick a POCA or two, boys…” Lewisham once styled itself a Borough of Sanctuary. But today it feels more like a borough for bounty hunters — where local businesses and good neighbours aren’t nurtured, but criminalised for profit. The game is called POCA . In plain English, the Proceeds of Crime Act  works like this: after a criminal conviction is secured, a prosecuting authority can ask the court to treat unexplained money or assets as “criminal benefit” unless proved otherwise.  The trawl through the person’s past can prove costly, both mentally and financially, as it stretches back six years from when proceedings commence .  The court then sets a “benefit” figure and an amount ...
8 comments
Read more

Convicted: How Councils prosecute for profit

What’s happening in Labour-run Lewisham today has left me thinking. I once believed in the ideals of the Labour party: justice, fairness, and accountability – but, not now. These are just the empty sloganeering of an elite few in Lewisham's town hall and Parliament. In truth, Lewisham is not a borough of sanctuary but a place for Pocaneering . Ordinary residents—entrepreneurs, good Samaritans, and hardworking immigrants—are being treated not as part of the community, but as financial targets . All in the name of planning enforcement. All under the guise of legality. And all tied to the toxic incentives of the Proceeds of Crime Act (POCA) . The sand and cement storefront scandal – Criminalised Let’s begin with local DIY shop owner Kevin Bottomley, reported here under KJ Building Supplies and our successful campaign Save KJs. He was selling small quantities of sand and cement from his shop's driveway – the kind of side hustle long part of Lewisham life, helping neighbours avo...
Post a Comment
Read more