THE BIG RETORT

THE car parking space at Intu Bromley shopping precinct was tight. As I pulled in the passenger side mirror to leave enough room for the other driver to exit, I scuffed the left front tyre of my car on the post base which protruded out. A silly design actually. To exit I had to shuffle across to the passenger seat as the other car was too far over. But I made sure that the Hackney cab, which was not black due to the ad emblazoned across it, had enough room via its passenger side door. My twelve-year-old daughter had an iPad and one of the speakers had been playing up for months. At the Apple Store the staff were incredible. A diagnostics confirmed that the speaker was faulty and not up to its high standards. Rather than send the iPad off to be repaired, which was my daughter's fear, Apple changed it for a brand new one. We were delighted! We stopped off at KFC for a snack, popped into HMV for a movie - Captain Phillips, starring Tom Hanks, and Waterstones ...

It was reported in February 1945, that it was the wettest February since 1936. [Evening Telegraph - Saturday 17 March 1945.] In 1936 it was the wettest March ‘for 35 years’ in Scotland. [Evening Telegraph - Tuesday 31 March 1936.] Whilst records taken at the Meteorological Office at Kew recorded the wettest February since 1900. [Aberdeen Journal - Friday 02 March 1923.] The weather report for February 1900 recorded that it was 'the wettest in 25 years'. [Worcestershire Chronicle - Saturday 10 March 1900.] Know where this is headed? If not read on... In Bristol in 1876, William Denning recorded the wettest February - 2.874 inches of rain ‘in excess of the average‘ fell. [Birmingham Daily Post - Saturday 04 March 1876.]It comes as no surprise therefore, that, at Chelmsford in 1848 it was the wettest February for 20 years. [Chelmsford Chronicle - Friday 24 March 1848.] Not surprisingly, it was also the wettest in 20 years Manchester too. [Which may suggest tha...

For some movie investors in the past the theatrical box office was the primary place to gain a healthy dollar's return on an investment. But does it really matter that Keanu Reeves’ new film 47 RONIN failed to put bums on seats in its opening weekend? TheBigRetort says: No. Because it's all about loyalty... and patience A theatrical release is no longer the primary source of income for a new movie - the additional returns from which lasts for decades not weekends. The opening weekend results are the predictors on which the ‘book value’ of the asset is judged. The returns to the original (primary) investors over a future finite period are predicted from this. But the release weekend of a movie alone does not indicate its eventual losses - or gains, surely? - just the cash flow back into risky investor pockets in a small time frame. For every dollar returned they apparently need to see 25% - plus! Which, let’s face it, is not a bad rate of return for anyone‘s dim...

We thought the ad makers at Omega were winding us up when we saw the recent ad for one of its watches in the Times online; which boasted, incorrectly: “IN 1969 OMEGA DEFIED ZERO GRAVITY GOING TO THE MOON” “IN 2013 OMEGA DEFIES MAGNETIC FILEDS (sic) ON EARTH” Of course we know that Buz Aldrin did wear an Omega on the Moon. But what were the magnetic ‘fileds’ it was defying in 2013? Erm, no such word seemed to exist in the English language? Ooer! We had this weird investigative tick in our heads: ‘fields‘ it said. We contacted Omega via email to give its marketing department a quick ticking off, after all this was in The Times. Unfortunately it was Christmas - and with little time on its hands, get it? - Omega didn't have a moment to spare in fielding a 'timely' response. Enuff with the puns already! Bet they must be going cuckoo in Switzerland.

Since publishing my findings on Harry Bensley, the Man in the Iron Mask, many people have asked for proof that he did not do what he said he did. Bensley claimed that he had trekked around the world, wearing an iron mask, pushing a pram, and living off the postcards he sold in a daring 'wager' with the banker J P Morgan. B ut now, the proof... that he didn't.  TheBigRetort  

      From its earliest history, the moon was thought to be less geologically active than the Earth. But what is that stuff its plumes have been seen venting? TheBigRetort uncovers the pages of a forgotten lunar history: Paisley Herald and Renfrewshire Advertiser - Saturday 09 January 1869 LUNAR VOLCANOES. On this subject the Academy of Sciences has received curious communication from Dr Montucci. The facts of the case are these: —At the request of the Bureau des Longitudes, the Messageries Imperiales had established a temporary observatory on Sarah Island, opposite Aden, for the purpose of viewing the eclipse of the 18th of August last. The sky happened to be rather cloudy on that day, and the observer, M. De Crety, could not properly watch the phenomena until after the totality, when the weather cleared up. By that time one-third of the sun's disc was already uncovered, and M. De Crety then perceived three protuberances, not on the sun's limb, but on ...

The Loch Ness Monster has fascinated the public imagination for decades. TheBigRetort uncovers movement in the waters of the loch, and finds not a demon but an altogether more simple explanation rippling beneath the waves of our imagination... As a boy I was hugely intrigued by tales of a monster that had been sighted in a loch in Scotland. Down the years various attempts at capturing or photographing the ‘monster’ resulted in evidence that was fuzzy, or at best vague. The monster just refused to surface... In fact "Nessie" seemed quite stubborn.   When I was a boy I spoke as a boy and when I became a man I cast aside childish things - questioned everything and everyone and did the research, back and back I went... In 1755, one of the most terrible earthquakes visited Europe. Curiously way up in the north, Loch Ness was also affected by the event. Did the seas rise, I wondered one night as I tried to sleep. Over a hundred years ago, b...