THE BIG RETORT

New Dutch film spells big opportunity for girl with English connection. TheBigRetort profiles rising star Pippa Allen. Originally titled "Patatje Oorlog“ - “Patatje Wars” [War Fries] is based on the acclaimed book "A Little Chance" by Marjolijn Hof, and traces the lonely life of nine-year old Harriers (Pippa Allen) who constantly worries about her father, a doctor who has left home to work in a war zone. What if he gets a disease? What if he stands in the way of stray bullets? What if? Just a few of the fears that beset young Harriers on her angst-ridden journey towards an inevitable conclusion. In order to reduce the risk that something bad may happen to her father Harriers journeys into the strangest corners of her mind. Her fantasies are portrayed in stop-motion animation combined with live action; extraordinary for a Dutch film. It is due for later release with English subtitles - hence the title “War Fries“. But what of that English connection? Pippa, who ...

A curious incident is said to have occurred during the Lewisham riots that may keep Government experts pondering for quite some time... the sale of alcohol. TheBigRetort exclusive... The place: Brockley Cross, London SE4 The time: Just the other day actually Durng the riots, a shopkeeper was unsurprised when he saw a young guy saunter in, lean down, and then pick up a four-pack of beer. However, it  was what his 'usually friendly' and 'long time' customer then went on to say that left him totally 'stunned'. "I'm taking these!" "Oh," the shopkeeper responded with a smile as the guy headed for the door without paying, "do you want to open a tab?" The young man looked back, paused for a minute, and then delivered his anarchic coup de guerre: "No. I'm taking them!  And there's nothing you can do about it!" And with that he was gone.  "The silly thing is he's been coming into my shop for years! An...

The riots in London and which also sporadically erupted around the country we now know had little if anything to do with politics or poverty. They were pre-Christmas smash-and-grab raids.  Wondering into Lewisham shopping centre yesterday to offer our services towards the clean-up campaign we were surprised however to discover little in the way of the apocalyptic damage that was transmitted around the world over the previous evening’s news. The images that were recorded of Lewisham, usually from helicopters overhead, offered a zoom-lens view of the ‘riots’ as they happened - and a distorted one if ever. In what were actually endless loop shots of the same events--buildings in flames, cars, and streets, ablaze-- this was (apparently) “Lewisham Burning“, and with it the end of life as we knew it. Presented by this distant media the whole fabric of society had come apart like the seams on a badly fitting tuxedo. An apt description, the mobs seemed intent on bagging e...

Colin and Chris Weir of Largs in Ayrshire have been named as the couple who scooped the £161m on the EuroMillions jackpot this week. The pair have been married for 30 years.. The winning numbers were 17, 19, 38, 42 and 45, and the lucky stars were 9 and 10. The record haul will put them in 430th place on the Sunday Times Rich List.   Och Aye the you!

TheBigRetort has obtained a transcript of News International chief executive Rebekah Brooks informing News Of The World staff of her ‘arrogance’. Taken from a secret recording by a member of Ms Brooks’ staff, the (edited) transcript also includes the explosive admission that more revelations are 'on the way': Rebekah Brooks: ... and I remember the team spirit of the paper where you all, who were there came alongside me and we fought for something we believed in, and I remember when we saw all the news headlines that came in the next day - we were rubbished everywhere and there was an opinion poll that said ‘97% of the British public agree with you‘. And we were like ‘right, here we are, we're up and running‘. And so I feel very strongly exactly the same as you, and that's why I said "mounting anger". And you know, I'm not saying- you know, this is not exactly the best time in my life, but I'm determined to get vindication for this paper. And for...

The current debacle surrounding Rupert Murdoch and his New of the World team of hacks has the feeling of deja vu about it.  Readers interested in glancing back in time need to leap back two decades. In 1999 a NotW reporter was arrested for bribing a police officer and for conspiracy. Later, in 2000, News of the World reporter Neville Thurlbeck faced trial on a charge of offering a police officer a "gift" for obtaining information. Det Con Farmer, who worked for Hertfordshire Police but was seconded to the National Criminal Intelligence Service (NCIS) at the time of the alleged offences, and Mr Thurlbeck both pleaded not guilty. The prosecution had alleged that Mr Thurlbeck, 38, paid Det Con Farmer to supply information on people whose details were kept on a confidential police computer. Jurors were told Det Con Farmer, 53, made scores of police computer checks on people's criminal records for Mr Thurlbeck. At Luton Crown Court, Mr Justice McKinnon dir...

Following in the wake of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, TheBigRetort does the dirty - and hacks Rupert Murdoch's mobile. Murdoch: Hello... Rupert Murdoch speaking, how can I help you? Chief Hacker: Mr Murdoch sir this is Chief Hacker calling from London. Murdoch: Holey doley, mate, you’re interrupting my Barbie. Hope this is good - I‘ve got journos around me like bities. Chief hacker: It’s come on top, Mr M. It's time to bail out. Murdoch: (choking on his Four X) No way. I’m a battler! Chief hacker: It’s a done deal... straight from the Met Commissioner's phone.. Murdoch (sighing): I blame that Milliband Chief hacker: which one? Murdoch: The banana bender. Chief hacker: Ed? Murdoch: That wog should mind his own bizzo! He‘s a kangaroos loose in the top paddock that one! Chief hacker: Wanna turn him over? Murdoch:: No! No! No! On no account are you to hack anymore? He‘s not the full quid that one. Talks through his left nostril. (Pause,...