THE BIG RETORT

A transcript of a message left on the mobile phone of Bob Crow reveals for the first time that the Union leader has been hacked... by the  News of the World . Forwarded to us by the Metropolitan Police, it reads: CROW: " Nobby here. Leave a message." [Beep.] THE BIG RETORT: " Hello, Mr Crow. Is it true that you are England's number one striker?"

Will there, one wonders, be any quarry stone left unturned with the public‘s right to know - in a dwindling band of countries abbreviated to the first letter - the surname of a person suspected of a crime? ‘Landlord, Dutchman, presumed innocent - until such time as a jury has fully deliberated - we hereby sentence you…err, with just one sentence.’ If there were ever any ethical rules in journalism then the Joanna Yeates murder suspects’ show trial suggests they may need a little spit and polish. The recent grotesque phenomenon of national newspapers falling over themselves to name names does not have its beginnings in the McCarthy era, no sir. It is a new brand of ‘netfluenced’ journalism, the kind where the guilt or innocence of a suspect - or even the near bystander for that matter - are now so often deliberated on internet crime forums that democracies the world over no longer have control over what was once fondly termed a fair trial by peers. And national newspapers are tri...

When TheBigRetor t conducted an investigation into the increased use of statins in its office diet, it came up with a forgetful medical profession, and one possibly - how shall we put this? - in denial. Having heard that the use of statins may bring possible side effects in some users we asked a number of doctors if the drug was all it was cracked out to be.  Here, for the first time, is our explosive retort. And it is not for the faint hearted. Me: Doctor, I keep forgetting things. I wonder... could it have anything to do with... these statins you've had me on? Doctor: (smirking): I've never heard that before. What utter nonsense! Me: Really? Doctor: (laughing) Complete! Me: (Pause) How about these bloody aches and pains I've been getting!! Doctor: No need to be so aggressive. Me: Sorry, it's the Statins. Doctor: (smirking): Never heard such a silly suggestion since I started medicine last week. Statins making you aggressive - won't wa...

VINCENT TABAK The new suspect arrested following the murder of Joanna Yeates wrote of starting a new life in England. Thirty-two year-old Vincent Tabak was born to the son of Gerald and Sonja Tabak in 1978 in Veghel in the neighborhood of Eindhoven. In 1996 he studied at the faculty of Architecture, Building, and Planning at the Eindhoven University of Technology. He graduated in 2003 from the group Design Systems obtaining the degree of Master of Science. He worked as a people flow analyst for Buro Happold, a multi-disciplinary engineering consultancy in Bath. The five-year thesis he completed in 2008 was dedicated to his friends, his extended family (via his sisters), girlfriend, and his father who died following an 'ongoing struggle with illness'. His son wrote in acknowledgement of his passing: ‘I miss you and regret that you are not able to see the end result of my PhD.’ After completing his PhD, in 2008, Vincent started what he termed his 'new life in England'.

Carrying on from my last posting into the abduction and murder of Joanna Yeates , isn't it about time? TheBigRetort ... The murder of Joanna Yeates in what was the spring of her life is we are told quite complex. Due to this complexity, and the mysteries growing out of it, time as dragged on and still no one person (or persons) has (or have?) been brought to book. Only one person has been arrested, vilified by press and public alike, and subsequently not yet moved on towards a charge of any offence, and still police have yet to come up with, well... not a truncheon. But, drawing back on the crimes 'complexity', what is one single fact in this whole sorry, awful, and desperate matter? "Jo" is alleged to have sent a text message to a friend she hardly met at 8.20pm on that fateful 17 th December. A night she did not want to spend alone. The recipient claims that he did not receive it until 9.20pm of that date, at which point he responded that he was 'busy...

Eerily, at the Tesco checkout Jo is illuminated in the screen of a man who is also shopping nearby. A reflection of guilt? Was the man in the woolly hat next to Jo ever traced and eliminated from the investigation? He brushes past Jo, after previously taking a glance in her direction. If he has been traced and eliminated then these are the questions that I would have asked: Isn't it likely that the person who killed Jo was i. known to her. ii. liked cider. iii. liked vegetarian pizza iv. was meeting her nearby, after pre -arrangement. v. had a flat or vehicle in the vicinity (in which she was killed). vi. was acquainted with the quarry. vii. staged her abduction, after the murder, and 'dressed' her flat after dumping her body. viii. lived in an area where a phone signal could not be obtained, or was distorted . ix. was an old (secret) flame. Or.... x. secretely desired her over time at a 'close' distance .

Somewhere in the cosmos a tiny blue planet receives an alien signal. A researcher writes "Wow!" Nearly forty years lapse. It quickly passes into legend and UFO lore. TheBigRetort investigates a mix of signals. (Picture. The View at Hilly Fields. Copyright (c) TheBigRetort.) In August 1977, a researcher with SETI - Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence - claims to have noted an unusual signal that is said (by some) to have emanated from a far-flung civilisation somewhere in the cosmos. The "Wow Signal" has entered the global lexicon but it was never authenticated and there is still to this day much debate about its alien credentials. Be that as it may... TheBigRetort notes an infinite number of details that have expunged the down-to-earth facts in the telling and retelling of this interstellar tale, which makes it all really - rather - curiously... human. 'Curious' in that the computer printout contains a handwritten date; 'rather' in that it ma...