Rupert Murdoch's phone hacked - revelation.

Following in the wake of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, TheBigRetort does the dirty - and hacks Rupert Murdoch's mobile.

Murdoch: Hello... Rupert Murdoch speaking, how can I help you?

Chief Hacker: Mr Murdoch sir this is Chief Hacker calling from London.

Murdoch: Holey doley, mate, you’re interrupting my Barbie. Hope this is good - I‘ve got journos around me like bities.

Chief hacker: It’s come on top, Mr M. It's time to bail out.

Murdoch: (choking on his Four X) No way. I’m a battler!

Chief hacker: It’s a done deal... straight from the Met Commissioner's phone..

Murdoch (sighing): I blame that Milliband

Chief hacker: which one?

Murdoch: The banana bender.

Chief hacker: Ed?

Murdoch: That wog should mind his own bizzo! He‘s a kangaroos loose in the top paddock that one!

Chief hacker: Wanna turn him over?

Murdoch:: No! No! No! On no account are you to hack anymore? He‘s not the full quid that one. Talks through his left nostril. (Pause, followed by heavy sigh.) What about arranging a little bingle?

Chief hacker: Err… I don’t do motor vehicle accidents.

Rupert: Why?

Chief hacker: Err... I’m just a hack. Pond life.

Murdoch: Bloody oath, mate! Don’t I know it. Don’t mean to big-note but I made that paper what it is.

Chief hacker: Best not admit to that… in court I mean.

Murdoch: Strewth mate. Think it’ll come to that?  All sounds a bit pig‘s arse to me. I was within cooee of controlling the news of the whole world. Of course I’ll get the knock back on Bsky- that’ll cost big bikkies - and now…. One minute drinking with the flies… now I’m not worth a zack. Did I tell you that I‘d met the Queen - now I couldn’t even get a job at Maccas. There’s nothing for it, I’ll have to Billabong it. Go straight off the coat hanger, that‘ll show ‘em who‘s boss. That’s what I’m gonna do.

Chief hacker: Well before you do a Maxwell… you should know that it was Cameron… in with that big mouth what finally done it. You know he has Botox injections?

Murdoch: Stops him sweating. [Laughs ironically.] We kept that one quiet for that regular wowser. Don’t make me liquid laugh! Thought that pommie bastard was a cobber but he dobbed me in - the bludger! He’s a boomer, in with this paper and out with that, then back in again. And now… make one little blue and see how they treat yeh!

Chief Hacker: Sorry, Mr M… got to go. I’ve got an interview… at the Mail.

Murdoch: That’d be right.. Go on then, hack off hairy legs! Heaps mate, no dramas, I’m rooted anyway. I’m moving beyond the black stump to me rellies.. Probably take a few roadies with me. Hooroo

Chief hacker: Mr M, what would you like to do with the last edition?

Murdoch (a threatening pause): Give all those tall poppies an Ausie salute from me, will yeh mate!

Tape ends...

Coming this Sunday in the News of the World: ‘The Queen’s secret lover’ ‘Cameron does Botox’ ‘Milliband in porn shock’

New of the World Axed: last edition this Sunday.

News just in...

Readers of The New of the World are said to be 'shocked' following recent plans to axe the newspaper following in the wake of its phone hacking scandal. James Murdoch, son of the paper's owner Rupert Murdoch, has announced that this Sunday's edition will be the paper's last.

It was reported to Yahoo! News by a News of the World journalist that James Murdoch broke the news to staff this afternoon. Many journalists are said to be distraught and phoning their families.

In a statement James Murdoch said: "Having consulted senior colleagues, I have decided that we must take further decisive action with respect to the paper. This Sunday will be the last issue of the News of the World. We will run no commercial advertisements this weekend. Any advertising space in this last edition will be donated to causes and charities that wish to expose their good works to our millions of readers."

Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour party, remains adamant that News International Chief Executive Rebekah Brooks should lose her job. "Closing down the News of the World does not solve the problem" he told BBC News.

Rupert Murdoch is refusing to comment.

The BBC has reported that the URLs TheSunOnSunday.co.uk and TheSunOnSunday.com were registered two days ago by an unknown company.

Strauss-Kahn back in court amidst dropped charges leak - DA sex crimes unit jumps ship

The district attorney who handled the Dominique Straus Kahn sex trial may have ‘jumped before she was pushed,’ according to a well place source within the sex crimes unit.

The district attorney’s office formerly declined to comment on the matter, save to say that the former DA, Lisa Friel, now plans ‘to explore other professional opportunities outside the office.’

Mr. Strauss-Kahn remains on bail after being charged with the attempted rape of a hotel housekeeper and also forcing her to perform oral sex. He has always maintained his innocence.

Mr Straus-Kahn is due in court today following doubts about the victim’s allegations.



Watch this space….

Max Melitzer: homeless heir's tragic death crash

Recently a homeless man who wandered the streets of Utah pushing a shopping trolley was tracked down by a private detective. He had some money coming to him from an inheritance and didn’t know it. It was hoped the windfall would turn his life around. However good fortune did not always shine on Max Melitzer. TheBigRetort exclusive… it began with a rollover.

Penniless Max Melitzer may have inherited a fortune that many hope will allow him to turn his life around, however his has not always been a rags-to-riches fairy story: but a tragedy.

July 1990... It was a Tuesday afternoon...

A highway in Wyoming five miles east of Rock Springs.

The driver drifted off the road and overcorrected the vehicle, according to the Wyoming Highway Patrol.

Unfortunately all four passengers were not wearing seat belts and were ejected from the car as it did a rollover.

Cindy Lee Jones, 36, died on the way to the hospital, and Glen Chrietzderg, 36, also of Ogden, died later at the University of Utah Hospital.

Janice Melitzer's, 44, the driver’s wife, died in the crash.

The driver, Max Melitzer, then also aged 44, was taken to Sweetwater County Memorial Hospital where he remained in a stable condition. He was the sole survivor.

Twenty one years later Max was roaming the streets.

Recently a police officer discovered him sleeping in a car in an Ogden salvage yard.

Was the rollover accident the trigger that set off a series of a events that led to Max pushing a shopping trolley with all his earthly belongings for over two decades? Was Max, burdened by grief, continuously visiting the crash site?

Max is said to have roamed the area between Salt Lake City and Ogden, the scene of the crash - and that‘s where fortune later found him.

We wish him much happiness.

2012 Olympic torch falls on Brockley



The 2012 Olympic torch has been unveiled by that creative London design team Edward Barber and Jay Osgerby. But was the inspiration for the 'flame' really an upside-down building? TheBigRetort remarkable expose...

It may come as a shock to the eventual Olympic torchbearer, but as he or she pounds through the streets of London, a rather tall building may cast a shadow over the 2012 event… the Shard.

Shock! Horror! Oh no! What can they mean?

We mean that the flame of the original idea may have kindled out of the minds of Barber and Osgerby as they stared out of their back window - and upside down - in Brockley.

Libellous speculation we grant, but we are neighbours and have also hung out of our back window - and seen it upside down. (Admittedly though this was after a heavy party.)

Whatever... we feel certain that this dynamic and innovative duo is going to light up the whole of London - from 2012, and beyond.

Obama steps up the drones: Breaking news

Pakistani leaders have protested that the country's sovereignty has been violated by the US following a series of drone strikes that have left 17 militants killed in the country's northwest tribal region.


All of Monday's strikes were in South Waziristan, near the Afghan border.
The attacks display to militants and the Pakistani government that President Barak Obama will not hold back when it comes to tracking down the enemy in a capture or kill policy that is more about the killing.

'Wanted dead, that's the policy at the Whitehouse now,' a Washington insider informed TheBigRetort.

Strauss-Kahn CASE: Breaking news

The former head of the International Monetary Fund, Dominique Strauss-Khan, is due to appear in a New York court for his arraignment, and has insisted he is innocent of the charges

Defence team member claims evidence undermines procecution.

William W Taylor, on behalf of Mr Straus-Kahn, has written that there is evidence to "gravely undermine the credibility of the complainant in this case".


Mr Strauss-Kahn faces charges of sexual assault and attempting to rape a hotel maid last month.


It will be his first appearance in court since he was released on bail set at $6m (£3.65m).