THE BIG RETORT

[Engraving, Copyright (c) Jim Westergard. Used with his kind permission.] On the 1st January 1908, following a remarkable wager, a man wearing an iron mask set off on an astonishing 30,000 mile journey around the world - then disappeared. TheBigRetort ... The Great Iron Mask Hoax   In previous posts I detailed the extraordinary saga of 33-year-old Harry Bensley , who accepted a bet made between an American philanthropist and an English nobleman: to push a pram around the world, with his face encased inside an iron mask, for a purse of $100,000. Many sighting were recorded of "The Mask” at that time but then... he inexplicably vanished. TheBigRetort : where in the world did The Mask go?   Almost one year after the wager made between Harry Bensley aka The Man in the Iron Mask, a publication known as “ Answers” (December 19th, 1908, pi63) received a response to this same question; it has remained buried until now. The respondent – who remained anony...

Wh en homeless and jobless Billy Ray Harris recently returned a diamond engagement ring to its owner little did America realise here sat a wise old sage.  TheBigRetort  into a small part of his wisdom... Over the Pond honesty has proven to be the best policy when Billy Ray Harris, living on the streets of Kansas City, begging bowl in hand, became the lucky new owner of a very expensive diamond ring; accidentally dropped by distraught real owner Sarah Darling.   Realising the mistake, jobless "Billy Ray" waited for her return. He later reunited Sarah with her extremely expensive engagement ring. As a result, Sarah and hubby-to-be set up a Facebook page for donations towards helping Billy Ray - and which has skyrocketed to over 100,000 dollars..   Back in 2010 however, "Billy Ray", living on the streets, gave an interview -  here - stating to America: ‘Going green is a good idea’. It would - Billy Ray believed - 'cre...

Sir Steve Brokebloke Wadsofcash@Lewisham.con At a point when the public purse is being squeezed ever-tighter, Lewisham Council’s Mayor sends out an urgent appeal: But could Sir Steve look any closer for the cash than his interims? TheBigRetort Recently an appeal was dispatched to Lewisham residents from none other than Sir SteveBullock himself; to save the local hospital's A&E.   Since nicknamed by us “Sir Steve Brokebloke,” the Mayor of Lewisham claimed that the government and trust administrators did not have the power to downgrade the hospital following failings by its Trust elsewhere.   Apparently we ‘the people’ stand a good chance of winning a legal challenge to the (unlawful) decision so brutally carried out against Lewisham's A&E, and Sir Steve hopes to 'enable' us by making contributions to his Legal Challenge Fund.   But what if Mayor Bullock need look no further than his own council for the dosh?    ...

TheBigRetort had a crisis recently when a catch on its kitchen rubbish bin broke. Following which we left a heavy knife sharpener on it so that it didn't spring open. But like Pandora's Box letting out a malodorous whiff, imagine our surprise when we placed a call to Brabantia and got... service In fact, Brabantia displays a care-for-customer credentials that rubbishes many retailers. We were expecting the usual....blah, blah. Brabantia’s response: ‘’No problem. Our products are covered by a ten-year warranty." Brabantia, a truly solid company, swiftly sent us a whole new lid - and did not charge for the postage. But that aint the way its supposed to happen, Brabentia. You're supposed to give us the run around  - and then TheBigRetort investigates your bins, etc. So if you need a retailer to put a lid on it, try Brabentia:  simply solidly wonderful.

  Startling evidence has been uncovered that recently deceased Michael Winner may not have been such a nice chap after all. Shock! Horror! And a little chutzpah!   What you are about to read may offend those who have held 'The Twat' in such high esteem TheBigRetort lifts the lid... A halo slips... Revealing the darker side of Michael Winner: whom we let... R.I.P himself.    www.Punch.co.uk  Reproduced with kind permission of Punch Ltd. Copyright (c) Jon Paul Morgan  

The Representation of the People Act 1969 introduced a specific provision that ‘convicted persons’ are legally incapable of voting during the time they spend in prison. But should prisoners want to claim the right to vote anyway? TheBigRetort takes a judicious step back. The denial of prisoner voting rights in Great Britain dates back to the Forfeiture Act 1870. Linked to the notion of “civic death‟, the Act literally executed the human rights of the convicted. Now seen by some modern liberal thinkers as archaic and uncivilised, they argue that citizens who have erred should not have their human rights excoriated.   In the other camp sits the hard-leaning saints of humanity the Victorian ‘victim’ mindset; which also wants its pound of flesh, and some. Prison to the VM represents punishment 'only'; among which is the loss of civil rights. Part and parcel of that denial of rights is the right to vote on how civilisation itself is governed. After all isn’t the ri...

The year was 1908. A Remarkable Wager. A man wearing an iron mask... Pushing a pram full of postcard photographs... Must find a wife along the way... Visit three towns in each county of England... Make his way around the world visiting each country and city on the list... And it would take 6-8 years... But the person who did it would win the princely sum of $100,000 An astonishing tale…. IF TRUE. Following our findings into Harry Bensley, the legend who trekked through Edwardian England in order to complete an 8-year trek around the world ‘for a wager‘, we now present the identity of the young man who accompanied ‘Iron Mask’ on his remarkable journey. H is name was... William German. According to the Western Times article we uncovered (18 April 1908), it was it was four months after the commencement of the trek that William German of Holsworthy rendezvoused with a man wearing an iron mask. It states: “Master Wm. German, the son of Mr and Mrs S German, of T...

We recently highlighted the ‘banker’ who splashed out £71,000 on a drinks binge at a top London nightclub in one single evening - and with just nine money-making wannabees. Now, in our follow up exclusive, TheBigRetort   uncaps the bottle. At the bottom of the glass we discover a 'sponsored' jolly for  a top model agency and a publicity stunt gone awry. Our report pours ice on a little-known drink someone has styled 'Methuselah'... What do a bunch of party-going models and a drinks firm have in common?   Answer: A give-it-large hedge fund owner with more money than sense. To recap... It took place just off Oxford Street. In a club called The Rose. You may recall that this is the place (if you've got no soul) that was recently promoted by its gloating owners as the wannabe hangout of the embarrassingly wealthy. And boy do we mean e-m-b-a-r-r-a-s-s-i-n-g. The Rose has a thorn aft...

Jerome Isaac, 47, has been charged with murder and arson following the death of Deloris Gillespie, 73. The victim was set alight after being sprayed with a flammable liquid when her lift stopped on the fifth floor of her apartment block. The incident was captured on CCTV together with images of her attacker dressed as a pest controller who was seen entering the lift in Brooklyn, New York. The video went white as the woman was set on fire. Dorinda Thomas, 56, told the New York Post. "She was a wonderful lady, you understand."

Following the much-publicised introduction of the new Routemaster bus, reports just in...  Boris Johnson’s new bus, named the “Son of Routemaster”, has broken down on a motorway just south of Luton. The new Routemaster took the unscheduled stop leaving its driver looking forlorn. The Routemaster, which has its hazard lights flashing, is flanked by police in a lay-by.

I n our last Retort, we reported on the City hedge fund banker who received national publicity when it was revealed that he blew £71,000 on a single night out for ten in a London nightclub. Added to the largess he left a tip for one lucky young lady... of £10,000. TheBigRetort exclusive... Since we ‘outed’ the lucky 'Rose Club' waitress at our last retort the recipient of the windfall has now posted a photograph of the receipt - showing a tip made out to her to the value of ten thousand pounds. Yes - TEN THOUSAND! Who's the lucky girl, then? TheBigRetort can now reveal that she is none other than "Margaux Nina". Or at least this is the name under which she currently Tweets. "Wooooooop ahahahaha !!! ;-) watch out…" Ms Nina wrote in one tweet following the enormous tip. She even thanks the London Evening Standard, presumably for reporting on the tip? Woooooop ahahahaha indeed.

The new alternative to the hated Bendy-Bus was seen on London streets today as LBC's Nick Ferrari, and former MP Michael Portillo put two very large bums on seats.   Their verdict: a big thumbs up for Mayor Johnson's "Boris Bummer.". The old Bendies never did find much popularity (except amongst fare dodgers) and if Ferrari and others are to be believed, the Boris Bummer is likely to bring in the punters due to its lighting and sleek glass design, which also manages to retain the heritage of the old much-loved Routemaster. Will is be a success amongst the travelling public? Fares ladies and gents, please.

When newspapers recently reported the largesse of a mysterious hedge fund manager who is said to have frequented a London club where he spent £71,000 on a single evening out - TheBigRetort  couldn't resist querying the bill... The Evening Standard, together with the Mail and various additional newspapers of note recently carried a feature on the 13 th December that came in for a lot of scrutiny by we poor due to the amount of money that is said to have been spent, in a single evening, and by just one rich individual at a club styled 'The Rose'; and which (significantly) recently opened off Oxford Street. On Thursday evening into the Friday morning the club is said to have played host to a big-spending banker and his cohorts - with more money than it seem sensitivity in what are arguably straightened times, for the many at least. But is all as it seems in this remarkable story of riches to riches? Apparently this right ‘banker’ (call him what you will) all...