27 January 2013

Bravo: Brabantia, rubbishes other bins

TheBigRetort had a crisis recently when a catch on its kitchen rubbish bin broke. Following which we left a heavy knife sharpener on it so that it didn't spring open. But like Pandora's Box letting out a malodorous whiff, imagine our surprise when we placed a call to Brabantia and got... service

In fact, Brabantia displays a care-for-customer credentials that rubbishes many retailers. We were expecting the usual....blah, blah. Brabantia’s response: ‘’No problem. Our products are covered by a ten-year warranty."

Brabantia, a truly solid company, swiftly sent us a whole new lid - and did not charge for the postage.

But that aint the way its supposed to happen, Brabentia. You're supposed to give us the run around  - and then TheBigRetort investigates your bins, etc.

So if you need a retailer to put a lid on it, try Brabentia: simply solidly wonderful.







23 January 2013

Michael Winner shock revelation: He wasn't such a nice chap after all

 
Startling evidence has been uncovered that recently deceased Michael Winner may not have been such a nice chap after all. Shock! Horror! And a little chutzpah! What you are about to read may offend those who have held 'The Twat' in such high esteem TheBigRetort lifts the lid... A halo slips... Revealing the darker side of Michael Winner: whom we let... R.I.P himself.
 
www.Punch.co.uk Reproduced with kind permission of Punch Ltd. Copyright (c) Jon Paul Morgan
 

23 May 2012

The Hung Voter: a history of prisoners' rights



The Representation of the People Act 1969 introduced a specific provision that ‘convicted persons’ are legally incapable of voting during the time they spend in prison. But should prisoners want to claim the right to vote anyway? TheBigRetort takes a judicious step back.


The denial of prisoner voting rights in Great Britain dates back to the Forfeiture Act 1870. Linked to the notion of “civic death‟, the Act literally executed the human rights of the convicted. Now seen by some modern liberal thinkers as archaic and uncivilised, they argue that citizens who have erred should not have their human rights excoriated.
 
In the other camp sits the hard-leaning saints of humanity the Victorian ‘victim’ mindset; which also wants its pound of flesh, and some.

Prison to the VM represents punishment 'only'; among which is the loss of civil rights. Part and parcel of that denial of rights is the right to vote on how civilisation itself is governed. After all isn’t the right to vote really a privilege of citizenship - and does not that citizenship bring with it certain duties? Duties which the offender has failed to fulfil by his or her actions. Chief amongst these: thou must not do foul deeds. This is why the right to vote is denied the prisoner.

But perhaps we misunderstand why such rights were denied in the first place... so let's take a little gander.

In 1832, men who owned land valued at not less than a tenner were allowed to vote. But following the Act of 1870 at common law a convicted traitor and felon forfeited these lands; the denial of a prisoner’s right to vote, therefore, is really a hangover from landowners who faced what was a property denial punishment.
 
We now live in the 21st Century. But we have lost sight of how it came to pass that prisoners were denied the right to vote in the first place.
 
But as we move forward from the 19th century we should do so knowing that it was the loss of property rights and not the vote itself that denied the right to vote. No property no vote: simple.

If only that were truly so...

After the Criminal Law Act 1967 amended the 1870 Act, the Representation of the People Act 1969 introduced a specific provision: convicted persons whilst detained were legally incapable of voting - property or not.
 
This was later consolidated in the Representation of the People Act 1983. Whilst convicted prisoners (in custody) would not be entitled to vote, prisoners on remand were exempt from this electoral banishment.

The Representation of the People Act 1918 brought about changes to the general voter registration requirements and this further enshrined the loss of the right to vote for prisoners.

Even this action is misunderstood when it comes to the prisoner’s right to vote. Once registered, an elector remained on the roll almost indefinitely (unless they moved to a different place), as it was not annually revised. Under the 1918 Act however, new arrangements were put in place to revise the register twice a year following ‘house to house’ and other inquiries. Electors generally had to be able to prove six months residence - which they could not do if they were in prison.

The Act then enforced the denial of the prisoner’s right to vote simply due to the difficulty in recording such persons in prison; and something, incidentally, in a technological age, that we are now able to do. The denial of the right of the prisoner to vote is therefore largely misunderstood by government and the judgemental Victorian mindset electorate. It was the loss of home ownership status that denied the right and not the criminal act or punishment that followed.

But come to think of it: do prisoners really actually want the right to vote anyway? Given that a convicted persons address would be “care of HMP Wandsworth (or some other)” wouldn’t such an address be an indelible stain on a convicted person’s character - for all judgemental persons to see for good - or bad, as it happens? Any persons duly recorded would literally be placing themselves in the court of common gossip via the People’s PNC - for life.

No doubt ‘convict outing’ would infringe the Rehabilitation of Offenders Act and the Data protections Act. It would then lead to compensation claims by ex-offenders into the bargain.  Perhaps, the right to have X mark the spot at the polls even inside HMP is a first step, albeit to both offender and non-offender a very cautious one indeed.

04 January 2012

Harry Bensley: 'boy' accompanied Iron Mask - named






The year was 1908. A Remarkable Wager. A man wearing an iron mask... Pushing a pram full of postcard photographs... Must find a wife along the way... Visit three towns in each county of England... Make his way around the world visiting each country and city on the list... And it would take 6-8 years... But the person who did it would win the princely sum of $100,000 An astonishing tale…. IF TRUE.

Following our findings into Harry Bensley, the legend who trekked through Edwardian England in order to complete an 8-year trek around the world ‘for a wager‘, we now present the identity of the young man who accompanied ‘Iron Mask’ on his remarkable journey.

His name was... William German.

According to the Western Times article we uncovered (18 April 1908), it was it was four months after the commencement of the trek that William German of Holsworthy rendezvoused with a man wearing an iron mask. It states:

“Master Wm. German, the son of Mr and Mrs S German, of Trewyn, left Holsworthy this morning with a horse and a new set of harness on route for Barnstaple, to join the man with the iron mask, who has decided to have a living van (sic) accompany him, with Master German as driver. A large crowd of children assembled to see young German off, everyone wishing him good luck and a pleasant journey round the world.”

The plan was to walk around the world, pushing a perambulator, living off the sales of postcards which recorded the event.

Young William German joined Harry Bensley six months before his 17th birthday, it must have seemed like a daring adventure. How long he may have lasted on that 8-year trip before discovering it was a scam is currently unknown

Coming soon… the Harry Bensley Hoax Admission
 


20 December 2011

Ciroc Vodka, Next Model Sponsorship, and the Mystery Hedge Funder

We recently highlighted the ‘banker’ who splashed out £71,000 on a drinks binge at a top London nightclub in one single evening - and with just nine money-making wannabees. Now, in our follow up exclusive, TheBigRetort  uncaps the bottle. At the bottom of the glass we discover a 'sponsored' jolly for  a top model agency and a publicity stunt gone awry. Our report pours ice on a little-known drink someone has styled 'Methuselah'...

What do a bunch of party-going models and a drinks firm have in common?  Answer: A give-it-large hedge fund owner with more money than sense.


To recap... It took place just off Oxford Street. In a club called The Rose. You may recall that this is the place (if you've got no soul) that was recently promoted by its gloating owners as the wannabe hangout of the embarrassingly wealthy.

And boy do we mean e-m-b-a-r-r-a-s-s-i-n-g.

The Rose has a thorn after all...

It recently made the Evening Standard and the Daily Mail and other 'tabs' when it was claimed by its owners--strange uh?--that one wealthy patron, himself the owner of a hedge-fund firm, blew a small fortune on drinks for his young all-male staff -  a paltry £71K for ten, what a Scrooge!!

According to the club's owners, the man who caused all the fuss  wished to remain anonymous. (So why draw attention to yourself by throwing £50 notes around the club 'like confetti' then?) However, i
ronically, and somewhat contradictorily, the club's publicity-seeking owners appear not to have understood that the announcement would garner some negative publicity.

Various blogs commented on the 'disgusting' behaviour of the individual concerned.

A witch hunt was recommenced against yet another 'banker' drunk on his plunder. (But he wasn't a banker. He was the owner of a hedge fund firm.) Or so it was claimed... 

The Rose Club promoters also presented a copy of what they insist was the 'check';  presumably to firm up the story for the (unsuspecting?) reporter who filed it.

Remarkably it revealed that the waitress got extremely lucky that night.


She received a £10,000 tip!  

The club owners' claimed that ‘Margaux’ on the bill was not in fact 'a real name'. But since our last post (in which we outed waitress ‘Margaux Nina’) she has posted a copy of the bill confirming the tip. 

So that’s that then?

Well, not quite… don't forget the models.

Next Models London celebrated what was the end of 'an amazing year' with an "exclusive" party for its models, clients and friends at The Rose. 
According to its Facebook page, Next Models Management also reveals that the event at the Rose Club, which took place when the hedge funder was also there, was sponsored by... wait for it, “CIROC vodka.” 

But, what' oh what is this: £44,400 was charged to the hedge funder's bill for a drink recorded as  “Ciroc Methuselah“. A drink that we could not find listed anywhere else other than on the club's 'check'. Odd that.


So, why would an extremely rich hedge-fund owner, who wishes to remain (partly) anonymous, invite negative publicity by spending £44,400 for a drink that was sponsored--presumably gratis--by the drinks manufacturer?

Strange behaviour for a news-shy multi-millionaire who did not wish to be named?

Or was it we ask a publicity s-t-u-n-t.

If so, hoodwinking the unsuspecting public is not a very good way to develop trust around a brand.

COMING SOON... ANOTHER SHOT OF VODKA








19 December 2011

Man charged with lift fire murder

Jerome Isaac, 47, has been charged with murder and arson following the death of Deloris Gillespie, 73.

The victim was set alight after being sprayed with a flammable liquid when her lift stopped on the fifth floor of her apartment block.

The incident was captured on CCTV together with images of her attacker dressed as a pest controller who was seen entering the lift in Brooklyn, New York.

The video went white as the woman was set on fire.

Dorinda Thomas, 56, told the New York Post. "She was a wonderful lady, you understand."

Breaking News... Boris bus motorway breakdown

Following the much-publicised introduction of the new Routemaster bus, reports just in...  Boris Johnson’s new bus, named the “Son of Routemaster”, has broken down on a motorway just south of Luton.

The new Routemaster took the unscheduled stop leaving its driver looking forlorn.

The Routemaster, which has its hazard lights flashing, is flanked by police in a lay-by.

LEWISHAM COUNCIL AND MEZE MANGAL: NOTICE WITHDRAWN DISCOVERY

From extractor fan to existential fight How Lewisham Council’s prosecution of Meze Mangal spiralled from a planning notice into a multimilli...