Queen banished from coins

Are there plans to banish Queen Elizabeth II from new coins? Does Britain's small change herald change? Put simply, is the United Kingdom headed towards a republic?

Monetarists may think so... News of the first major design change in English coinage since decimalisation is barely moments away, and TheBigRetort has stumbled across some breaking news. The Queen's head may be banished from the front of the new coins.

The Royal Mint design has in the past carried the monarch's visage but is it possible that the seven newly-minted coins may change... radically?

There have been hints that 'a contemporary take on traditional heraldry reflecting the nation's rich history' may be found on the reverse of the coins, but what about the face?

In a radio interview given today, the Royal Mint let slip that the 86 million coins in circulation with the Queen's face, 'will be around for some time yet' - on old coins.

Up to now it was believed that the Queen's face would be kept on the front of all seven newly-minted coins, so what does the future hold the monarchy?

Eurostar price-fix-scandal

When it comes to offering 'best deal' holiday packages to Paris does Eurostar make the grade, or does it have tunnel vision? TheBigRetort discovers... la vérité.

The non-stop London to Paris Eurostar train tickets offer we purchased via the telephone were priced at £204. The 'best deal' we were assured for our short-break by Eurostar representatives. Guaranteed low prices? We later discovered that the same train journey sold to us was in fact advertised for £50 less. (See Eurostar retort below.)

In addition, our booking formed part of a 'package' deal, 1 adult and 1 child, (later joined by two additional adults at the tres agreable Hotel De L'Ocean in Rue Mayran, right in the heart of Paris and well worth a weekend. )

So, was it the best deal?

The reservation for our additional guest needed to be changed to one night instead of two. However, the amount returned to the credit card for the cancellation was not the same as the amount paid for the additional night. Who had pocketed the difference?

Eurostar informed us that the difference was a 'penalty' levied by the hotels for the, err, 'amendment'. Which seemed strange... Intrepid travellers to France, where we are known as Zee Big Red Tart, we had never encountered such a penalty. Neither had we experienced an 'additional' charge for a child residing in the same room. A charge of £23.52 (plus taxes) a night, which again we were informed was levied by the hotels.

In fact the French don't pay or charge such a levy. "No such penalty is charged," they informed us. Adding, "There is no extra guest charge for a 6-year old either," which was intriguing.

A case of less is more with Eurostar offers surely... So what did Eurostar have to say? Did it come clean and return our Euros? Or did Euro simply keep them?

When presented with our findings Eurostar's press office (e-v-e-n-t-u-a-l-l-y) wrote back: "Due to the complexity of your email I am just checking the final details with various people across the business. I hope to have a comprehensive answer for you within a day or so. Sincere apologies for the delay." Following which... more online delay followed.

But what 'complexity'? What 'fine detail'? And when would we receive that 'comprehensive answer'?

To recap...tickets booked via the telephone through Eurostar were more expensive than those offered online, the hotel did not levy charge for reducing a room from two nights to one, and French hotels do not usually charge for a child staying in the same room as adults. Eurostar does, blaims the French... and pockets the difference.

At least that's what we decided to put to Eurostar.... but not without incident.

The question was really a simple one. Based on what Eurostar claimed, later contradicted by the hotel, either we had highlighted it selling porkies or caught it going down the wrong track. Something TheBigRetort would have thought that the operator would have been keen to address.

Eurostar has a press office response time infinitely longer than its journey times to Paris... by foot, but press officer Tom Parker had previously informed us that he was eager to 'resolve the matter'. Be that as it may, it was almost as if there were invisible leaves covering the international train operator's muddy tracks. In fact a disembodied voice may have bellowed that there will be either a long delay or a cancellation... and there was

Parker claimed that accommodation, which was booked through eurostar.com, is actually provided by WWTE, a subsidiary of Expedia. It has 'a separate arrangement with the hotel concerned,' he wrote. And as a result Eurostar 'could not comment'.

Neither could Eurostar comment on the hotel's cancellation policy, in other words one night reduced to two. (Hotel De L'Ocean claimed it simply charged for one night with no penalty. )

Neither could it comment on the additional child levy that the hotel also claimed it did not add. And neither did it add up for Eurostar.

"We will however follow this matter up with WWTE and ensure that there were no improper charges made in error in this instance," Parker assured. Unfortunately as we did not hear further, we assume that Eurostar also felt that there were 'no improper charges made in error' - just, dare we say it, a slight of hand worthy of a card shark camped outside Kings Cross Station.

To be fair, Parker claimed that when he checked the online price of a return ticket on the same trains he found 'exactly' the same price. Although his search was conducted after our own, he could not explain the difference 'at this stage'. He never got back to us. TheBigRetort can only conclude that he could not explain the difference at any stage.

So, thinking of travelling with Eurostar on a 'best deal'? Arrête! Think twice.

J D WETHERSPOON: THEYSEEYOUPEETV

Shock! Horror! Crap! George Orwell's 1984 is now at a pub near you. But is pub chain J D Wetherspoon taking the piss? TheBigRetort investigates.

Customers caught short whilst visiting a pub toilet in Brockley, South-east London may be excused if they have the strange sensation of being 'watched' as they go about their (once usually private) business. And it is not paranoia. Now, as they glance up at the ceiling they will realise the astonishing truth, then wet themselves. For, at the urinals, John Thomas in hand, there it is, on the ceiling, watching... a camera.

Surely not we hear you say... but it's yes.

We immediately visited the offending pub and confirmed our worst fears, following which we spoke to a Wetherspoon's spokesman. The following is not for the reader with a nervous disposition, a full bladder, or for anyone who has had a night on the old Vindaloo.

Surveillance report of society gone mad. Surveillance report of society gone mad. Surveillance...The pub... the Brockley Barge, London SE4. The location... the male toilet. The time... now.

"Most CCTV in Wetherspoons pubs are part of the licence... We believe that cameras are something that customers feel safer with," the Wetherspoon's spokesman confided.

What... in the loo?

"They are not pointed at the urinals. They are only pointed at washbasins."

Really?

"Yeah. If any customer made enquiries, they would be told, quite rightly, that they only point at handbasins."

Why?

(He paused.) "So that people feel safer."

So why isn't there a camera in the ladies loo too?

"Isn't there...? Well, I don't know about that particular pub... but if there isn't it's because the decision is made by the manager."

[So the manager only likes looking at the boys...?] Who looks at them?

"They're not looked at by members of staff. The only people who would have it (the footage) is the police. There are other pubs where this is the case. We're quite open about them. They are only there so that the police can watch."

How long are the images kept?

"I'm not sure."

[So there you have it... the police are the only ones allowed to watch. Whilst the images in the bar and outside the pub can be seen on a monitor the loo images are not shown to the general public. That makes it okay then.]

But are they also focused on the urinal, or, worse still... the loo? (After all it's impossible to say where they are pointed.) Couldn't shit be going on under the watchful of the law?

"At the washbasins," J D spokesperson was eager to assure.

But... why?

"So that they can see what's going on."

Err, well, what can 'they'.... see... at the washbasin?

"Things." (Presumably the washing of hands ceremony that follows visits to the loo.)

But what if any individual is hellbent in dealing with shit - and that kind of thing - and knows that the camera is only pointed at the washbasin, and that the images won't be viewed until, possibly, much later by the Peelice - Sorry we meant 'police' - wouldn't they go into the cubicles, or, dare we suggest, stand at the urinals and, err, pretend?

"It, err... acts as a... deterrent."

[And that's certainly true. It's the last time we spend a penny with JD Wetherspoon.]

Changing LINKS

Roads discovered on planet Mercury

A recent flyby of the planet Mercury from 124 miles (200 kilometers) above the surface has revealed an impact crater with more than 50 twisting roads radiating from its center. But could it be signs of life?

"It's a real mystery, a very unexpected find," said Louise Prockter, an instrument scientist at the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory, which built the probe for the $446 million NASA mission. She said whatever event created them "is anybody's guess," but suggested perhaps a volcanic intrusion beneath the planet's surface led to the formation of the 'troughs'.

However, the claim will fail to impress the 'life out there' brigade. "They are obviously pathways created by a not too technological civilisation," Noj Luap Nagrom a scientist at Toxteth University astronomy programme claimed.

Feelings that are trumpted by other findings...

Earth has a magnetic field surrounding it that acts as a protective bubble shielding the surface from cosmic rays and solar storms enabling life to gain a foothold.

Astonishingly a peculiar element of Mercury is its magnetic field... added to which the planet has an 'atmosphere'.

Scientists are said to be "shocked," having pored over more than 1,200 new images sent by seven instruments on the probe of Mercury's surface."I couldn't sleep at all," said Robert Strom, a MESSENGER science team member who also worked on the Mariner 10 mission. "I've waited 30 years for this."

Does this mean we have at last found life on another planet, and within our solar system? It certainly would raise tempratures.

Iron Mask Harry Bensley: Trashed

In this edition of TheBigRetort we had hoped to bring you the answer to the question to which you have all been waiting: Did he or didn't he?

It began with a 'Wager', widely published in various media around the world, and possibly everyone and his dog - even those wizened moguls of Hollywood - now lay claim to the belief that Harry Bensley, the Man in the Iron Mask, walked around the world pushing a perambulator - for $100,000. The bet was placed by John Pierpoint Morgan and the Earl of Lonsdale. So it must be true, mustn't it?

Well...?

Following the outset of his trek on the 1st of January 1908 various sightings took place of the Iron Mask, mainly throughout the south of England. (He was seen in our local Costcutter as late as last week. We jest, of course, and with good reason...) However, since leaving these shores, over 100 years ago, no account of his amazing exploits abroad have been unearthed, and certainly no one in Australia has come forward stating that they ran into a 'Pom' in an iron mask pushing a pram at a billabong. (If they did then it was like as not Ned kelly.)

Iron Mask simply vanished.

Until that is...

 

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Bensley claimed that J Pierpoint Morgan called off the challenge due to the onset of the 1st World War - which started after he in fact died.

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Much of our knowledge of Bensley's exploits come via a website with a family link.

The Official story [from the McNaught website.]

"Later in life he fell very ill. It was only now this his illegitimate son (Jim Beasley, my grandfather - Mother's side) found out about his father (Harry) and met him several times in Brighton hospital. (Apparently they looked almost identical.) Jim found him too late to be able to help, and Harry died in 1956, three months after their first meeting, back at home in his bedsitting room at 42 Riley Road, Brighton. Kate (his wife) was with him."

The Beasley-McNaught Connection

Harry Bensley's 'achievement' was represented by the Beasley/McNaught family, who claim their father/grandfather "Henry Claude Beasley" - not 'Bensley'? - was Harry's illegitimate son, born in 1908. This individual was referred to as "Jim" and is said to have tracked down his father (Harry Bensley) almost on his deathbed and then related details of that meeting to his own daughter. However, "Henry Claude Beasley" appears to be a totally different individual, with no known association to Harry Bensley; not even the same surname.

[The Beasley/McNaught family claim hinges on Harry providing false information and the surname being corrupted. Records do confirm that a"Henry Claude Beasley" was born on the 24th December 1908. But why should this be "Jim? In fact there is also another birth that we would submit. A "James Henry Beasley" is recorded on the 24th December (sic) 1906. (Note the day and month match.) Could Jim have targeted the wrong father? If so "Jim" made an error. James Henry Beasley died in Aug 1991 (aged 84) at Haywards Heath. If this is the same individual then he cannot be Harry Bensley's son, illegitimate or otherwise. Harry had been in prison either side of Jim's conception from 1904-1907.]

So why did Harry Bensley not complete his march around the world?

This is what the McNaught site has to say: http://mcnaught.orpheusweb.co.uk/HarryB/index.html

"... on reaching Genoa, Italy, in August 1914 and having covered 30,000 miles, with only six countries left to visit and 7,000 miles left to walk, the First World War broke out. Once again, there are conflicting reports of what happened next: (1) Being patriotic, he returned to England to fight for his country."

Harry Bensley was an asylum attendant based at Abbotts Langley in November 1915. [See Short Service Attestation (War Record) above. Kindly supplied by ancestry.com. Was he invalided in the 'three year' service prior, which is recorded on it?]

The McNaught site continues...

"(2) Morgan, worried that his steel empire would be threatened by the outbreak of war, called off the bet. Harry was said to be devastated when Morgan's messenger (or telegram in one report) reached him with the news, and he returned to England, a devastated man. He was never to leave our shores again."

To be fair, the McNaught family acknowledge that J P Morgan died a year before the war, so he could not have 'worried' about the threat, and it seems strange to stress the claim in spite of it. To straighten the record, the (only) gentleman ever referred to in contemporaneous accounts was (initially) described as 'a well-known American millionaire...' The site's author, who expresses some doubt on the manner of the wager, says: "Choose which version you believe."

It also goes on to claim.... 'He fought in the army, but was invalided out after a year.' [In fact, according to the Short Service Attestation signed by Bensley (under oath) it records three months service only, in a depot at Aldershot with the 'Packers & Loaders Company'.

Could it be that Harry Bensley was invalided out of the Packers? The Attestation is hard to read, so it's possible. (See ancestry.com for the whole record.) The previous army service before he was an asylum attendant (at the Imbeciles Asylum, Leavesden) may have seen a prior injury, but none possibly gained in the trenches of the 1st World War. Like as not the injury may have been due to that heavy helmet he was wearing whilst loading munitions. ]

If we are to believe the myth, Iron Mask, having crossed through 10 countries - from the 1st January 1908 to the outbreak of war in August 1914 - after his receipt of that devastating telegram from a dead man (in Genoa, Italy) had, in 6 plus years or 80 months, with no time off for good behaviour, managed a mean average of 375 miles a month, or twelve miles a day around the planet. With a further '7000 miles left', he may have circumnavigated the globe for a journey that would take a further year and a half - if not for the War that is. Truly a remarkable man.

But that's if you believe the myth...

Even Harry Bensley's 'descendants' express doubts. "We have never seen evidence that he left Britain, and because no one knew who he was, he could have quite easily carried on living here."


Following, in TheBigRetort... the whole truth and nothing but... Or Harry's version of it.

Iron Mask: The Harry Bensley trial

It was 'A Remarkable Wager'. A man wearing an iron mask. Pushing a pram. Full of photograph. Must find a wife along the way. Visit three towns in each county of England. Make his way around the world visiting each country and city on the list. It would take 6 years. And for the princely sum of $100,000. An astonishing tale. But was it true? A Big Retort exclusive...

Following a journey from the centre of London, after passing through Woolwich, the Iron Mask and his unnamed companion continued on to Bexleyeath. Things had gone extremely well and so they decided to stay the night at the Upton Hotel. The next morning however disaster struck... As they sold their wares at the Broadway they came under the 'unsympathetic' gaze of a police sergeant.

Seemingly the only man in England who could spot a 'con' at twenty yards, PS Martin later told the court that he saw the defendant selling photos and pamphlets. He asked if he had a certificate and the defendant said 'No, I don't go from house to house.' Witness said 'You go from town to town,' and defendant said 'Yes.' The Iron Mask was then taken into custody.

That night, the 3rd January, allowed bail the Mask and his companion stayed at the George and Bull Hotel to await his fate. The trial, which would be heard in the morning of the 4th had been brought forward a week by considerate Dartford magistrates. "To suit the convenience of the globe trotters."

The Time: 3rd January, 1908, 1pm. The Place: Dartford Police Court.

"'Henry Mason' was called, and a voice from the mask replied 'That's my name, sir,' " the court reporter wrote. He continued... "He was charged 'that on the third of January of this year, in the Parish of Bexley, you unlawfully did act as a pedlar without having a certificate authorising you to do so.' The magistrate inquired if the man was bound to keep that mask on. Mr Clinch (for the Prisoner) said he was going to ask the Court's indulgence 'by and bye'. He was going to ask the magistrates to allow the man to wear the mask during the trial. He pleaded guilty on his behalf to the charge."

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"His head and chest were covered by a shiny black contrivance which seemed to be a combination of an ancient warrior's visor and breastplate, and on a kind of a signpost on top of it were the words in white letters "A £20,000 (sic) wager."---------------------------------------------------------------------------

When it became known that the Masked Man was to appear at the Dartford Police Court a large crowd had gathered. "He was," the reporter continued, "apparently a young man, judging from his brisk step and as much of his figure as could be seen, attired in a tourist suit and knickers." (The last item not carrying the same meaning 100 years later.)

A mystery inside an ancient mask. As he appeared in the main streets he was treated like the Edwardian equivalent of a superstar. The question on everyone's lips: Would he remove it.

There was general curiosity as to whether the strict rules, compelling all to remove their headgear would be enforced by the court . Amazingly, although it may seem odd in our post 9-11/7-7 world, it was not, and so the Masked Man entered the dock 'without removing his head and shoulder gear' and the police made no request. (The court reporter also claimed that on "a signpost on top of it (the helmet) were the words in white letters 'A £20,000 wager." Which differs from the postcards and other reports. An error perhaps.)

The court reporter recorded dryly... "The magistrates apparently saw the humorous side of the affair, and the strict lines of Court routine were allowed to become unusually elastic for the occasion."

"THE MASKED MAN" "HELD UP BY A BEXLEYHEATH SERGEANT" "A COMEDY IN DARTFORD POLICE COURT" ran the headlines a week later. (Bexleyheath Observer, Jan 10, 1908, p5, col c.)

'Henry Mason' stood in the dock awaiting his fate from behind the confines of an iron helmet. He was quite fortunate... Had the magistrates known who really stood before them the helmet would surely have been exchanged... for iron bars. Mason of course was not his real name. Iron Mask - quite craftily - had put forward this 'nome de convenience', if the bad French may be forgiven, in place of his own.... Harry Bensley. It was a remarkable performance of deception and revealed what a master manipulator he was.

"He had given a certain name but he was sure it would not influence the Court one way or the other," Bensley's lawyer said. (In other words the name given was not really his.) The court transcripts published in the same paper reveals the astonishing depths of Bensley's chutzpah.

The Chairman: As far as the name is concerned, we are not anxious to know the (his real) name.

Mr Mitchell: Wearing a mask is part of getting his living is it?

Mr Clinch said it was not part a question of a 'living' but it would take too long to explain. Clinch elaborated on the conditions of the wager and explained why he was selling the postcards at Bexleyheath. He started from London and went through the Strand and other thoroughfares in London and was not bothered by police. The police too took interest in his venture and purchased some postcards.

Mr Mitchell: Have they (the police) anything to do with the wager? (laughter)

Mr Clinch: I believe not, but they were interested. Clinch referred to 'No 10' of the conditions. This stipulated that the mask should be worn in public places. The court room was such a place and it was 'imperative' to the masked man to preserve this restriction.

The Chairman: If we told him to take off the mask it would be an end of the whole business?

Mr Clinch: I'm afraid it would. [Certainly true... Harry Bensley had been released from prison a month previous.]

The Chairman: We will allow the mask to remain under the circumstances.

Mr Clinch: Thank you, sir. Another condition is No.12. which somewhat puzzles me. It provides that he shall find a wife on the road (laughter). [Bensley was already married, to two women. One bigamously. The latter part led to his term in prison.]

The Chairman said that the mask would not help him much.

Mr Mitchell: Wouldn't he have a better chance at Gravesend (laughter).

Mr Clinch: I should be nearer home. I might be able to find him one there (laughter). Whether or not the wager commended itself to the Bench, it was clear that the man had not the slightest intention on infringing the law. He started in a busy place like London and was not interfered with. He asked the Bench to deal leniently with him, and suggested that considering the special circumstances justice would be met by ordering the man to pay the costs. He expressed his thanks to each magistrate for coming there and holding a special court to suit his convenience. He would not like them to go away without assuring them that he fully appreciated their consideration. If they would like to see photos he had some there.

Mr Mitchell: We've got the genuine article (laughter).

Mr Clinch: That's something better.

The Chairman asked about these photos. The gentleman there who was going with the defendant seemed to have a certificate, while the other had not. Did the goods offered for sale belong to the masked gentleman?

Mr Clinch (cautiously) : I never like to dive into these things too closely (laughter). I should not be surprised if this was not a joint speculation.

Mr Mitchell: Is the perambulator to put his wife in when he finds her (laughter).

The Chairman said that this was a somewhat different case from the ordinary. As a rule when a pedlar came there he had been locked up all night, and they took that into account and let him go. This defendant had no punishment at all. It was not a serious matter, and they would only inflict a small fine of a half-a-crown including costs, or four days. Of course, if he continued acting as a pedlar without a license he would be again dealt with, and a record of that case would be handed in against him. If he continued to act as a pedlar he must get a license. [END.]

Coming soon from TheBigRetort... how Harry Bensley came up with the idea of the Iron Mask Wager, from his prison cell.

The Iron Mask: Day 1

The Iron Mask: Day 1. To recap... the year was 1908. On a foggy New Year's morning. At 10.30 precisely, a man wearing an iron mask left from London's Trafalgar Square pushing a perambulator full of photos and accompanied by an 'American' minder. These were just a few of the conditions set down by 'the Wager '. But what happened after this event? Did Iron Mask get arrested for flogging his goods? Did he make it around the world in 6 years? TheBigRetort brings you some of the detail.... and the devil in it.

Having left the centre of London, the fog had lifted. The Man in the Iron Mask headed south across the River, his companion acting as Tonto to the Lone Ranger.

The streets were paved with postcards

Every street on the way was said to have been 'thronged' with excited crowds.

Several newspapers had been alerted to 'the Wager' and there was much clapping and cheering and waving.

To the man inside the helmet it was hard going - and bewildering. But the people clamoured for the postcards.

A blur of faces and monotonous sound came in and out of vision through the visor.

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"We did not taste a mouthful of food, or even a drop of water, from the time we had our breakfast - 7.30- till 9.30 in the evening." The Masked Man, on his first day of 'the Wager' .

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It had worked...

By the time the cavalcade of two reached Woolwich many postcards had been sold. And Harry Bensley, or rather the Man in the Iron Mask, had entered legend.

It was 'A Remarkable Wager': TO WALK AROUND THE WORD, MASKED, PUSHING A PERAMBULATOR - FOR $100,000.

In order to get his hands on the cash he had to remain 'entirely unknown throughout the journey' and 'be allowed to sell photographs and pamphlets' and 'call at the capital and three other towns in each county in England'. (The Bexleyheath Observer, Jan 3, 1908, p5, col g.)

But fulfilling one of the three of a much larger list was about to become more difficult than imagined...

Having passed through Woolwich, the same paper informs, 'The Iron Mask' arrived at Bexleyheath with his companion. They stayed for the night at the Upton Hotel. It was Thursday, 2nd January, one day after their epic journey had commenced.

The same paper opined with remarkable prescience, "He was optimistic of being able to accomplish his self imposed (sic) task, but whether he will find it congenial in a few years time especially in traversing hot countries, remains to be known."

'Self imposed task'...?

Coming soon in TheBigRetort.... "THE TRIAL OF IRON MASK".